So we are at Lynsy's volleyball game tonight and an overweight (now don't start commenting on how people come in all different shapes and sizes because I love the variety of shapes and sizes but I'm only bringing up the fact that she was overweight to give you a better visual of the situation) woman strutted in wearing gobbs of makeup, high heels, shorty short shorts and a cami that barely covered her sagging nipples.   I thought for sure she was someone's mama but realized later when I got a closer look that she was probably in her young 20's but with all the gobbs of makeup it made her look much older.  Probably someone's older sister.

With the holiday season approaching, I have been decorating and accessorizing alot of houses lately. I've even done a couple jobs where I wasn't bringing in a thing, just space planning and using what the client had. Just this week I spent 10 hours straight moving a house full of furniture (I even moved an upright piano, and may I add that I will NEVER move an upright piano again unless it's on wheels) and switching rooms.

Just about every muscle in my body has been screaming at me lately, but I am glad I've been on these jobs as I have made an observation that has led me to take a closer look at what is really important in life.

I have been in every size home imaginable in the last month and I've made a startling observation. The larger the home, the more 'distant' the family seems with one another. The families in the smaller, cozy size homes that were without the media rooms, home offices and big play rooms seemed to share a closer bond with each other. They were the families that were eating dinner together around the table and not in front of the tv. They were having actual conversations with each other instead of a quick 1 or 2 words yelled from upstairs. Dads were helping kids with homework at the kitchen table while mom was cooking dinner.

In the majority of the larger homes, at the end of the day the kids would hide upstairs in the media room, the dad's would come home from work only to head into the home office, the mom's would either be alone in the kitchen starting dinner or she was pulling open the drawer of delivery menus. There would be a few words here and there yelled from one floor to the other, but no real interaction.

This observation also led me to thinking about vehicles and how it seems that no one can drive their kids to the local supermarket without popping in a DVD or older kids plugged into their IPOD. When does a family take the time to interact anymore? For this very reason, I will never own a vehicle that comes with built in entertainment. And unless we are on a road trip that is longer than 3 hours, I will not let my children bring their IPOD or gameboy into the vehicle.

I'm not saying that if you live in a large house you won't have a connection with your family.  But I do feel that in order to have a connection with your family, it seemed to me that you would have to make an even larger effort in a larger home. It also made me stop and ponder the true valuable things in life and wether I agree with everyone rushing around and working long hours to make more money all in hopes of achieving that 'American Dream'.

It seems everyone I know now has media rooms and home offices, things I never even knew exsisted when I was growing up and I don't feel that I missed out on anything important. More importantly, my parents provided me with time and I value that more than I ever would growing up in a large home with both parents having to spend so much time working in order to afford.

Yes, I have a media room so I'm preaching to the choir but My 'American Dream' does not include a large house or tons of money in the bank. My 'American Dream' is quality time with the family and enjoying each other's company and having and spending the time getting a good knowledge of who they are and what makes them tick.

As a mother of a son who will start high school in 9 short months, I know how quickly children grow. And when my children are older and out of the house I would be much prouder to say that I provided them with my time, rather than I worked hard and was able to afford them a big house and drove them around in big cars.

I only work part-time while the kids are in school now, but even that at times can lead to some hectic days at home. High school was the time when I valued my mom being home more than ever and for that reason, I will not work while either of my kids are in high school. There is a verse in the Bible that has been on my mind alot during my month of observing how others live: Hebrews 13:5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

There comes a point in the 'chase for the American Dream', that you have to STOP and be happy and content with your situation and STOP and realize what is important. All this observation has made me realize that I am at the point where that chase needs to STOP. I don't need or ever will buy a bigger house, I don't need or ever will buy a big car.  I don't need to keep up with the Jones' or have a big house or big car to impress my friends.  God has always provided me with everything I need, and I'm going to STOP chasing after all my wants and be content.

A few days ago Daniel and I learned of a couple that is an acquaintance who are now in the midst of a divorce.  We don't know this couple really well but from a distance they would seem to be the last people you would expect to get a divorce.  Both very active in their church and their family and whenever you see them together you would think they had it all together.  What we didn't see on the outside was an unhappy man who, for whatever reason, did not go to his wife to share his feelings of unhappiness and it led to him finding comfort, good laughs, and a relaxing no-stress relationship that led to more and now a new baby is on it's way into a messed up world.

This led me and Daniel into some very in depth conversations about how we can protect our marriage.  One thing I hear Dr. Phil saying all the time that I wish more Americans would take to heart:  So many couples spend so much time preparing for a wedding that will only last a few minutes instead of spending their time preparing for a marriage that should hopefully last a lifetime.

Marriage is NOT easy!  It's easy to let the everyday stresses affect our relationships.  Finances, kids, work schedules, illness ……. It wouldn't be too hard to strike up a relationship with someone else who we don't share all the daily stresses with.  It would be all fun and pleasure and good times and could easily lead to us believing that the grass might actually be greener on the other side.  Then you realize you have ruined your marriage, you are now scheduling parental visits, you've tried living with the greener grass and realize that the everyday stresses follow you into this relationship that was at one time just fun and games and then you come to the reality that the grass is actually not as good as what you had but ruined.

If your marriage is perfect that is great, but I hope some of this info will help some.  I think when it comes to something as important as marriage we can never be too complacent into thinking we have no work to do.

* Affairs rarely start because you plan them out or you want them. Two people enjoy a friendly relationship, sometimes for years. Then one day some event takes place (daily stress, a moment of despair, a frustrated libido), and all of a sudden an innocent situation escalates to the point where it is dangerous to your marriage—or, it could happen unnoticeable step by unnoticeable step down the "slippery slope."

So why put yourself in this kind of situation? Why risk it? Why not protect your marriage, your spouse, your family, and yourself by authentically making your marriage your first priority?

Instead of taking the risk, build a fence around your marriage to keep it from even getting to that point. Create boundaries that will protect you from the possibility of unintentionally endangering your relationship.

Of course, that may mean giving up some activities you find pleasurable. But creating fences around your marriage is ultimately more rewarding than the small joys you get from flirting with a waitress or lunching with a questionable friend. It gives you assurance that the most important part of your life, your marriage, is safe from harm.

There is no going overboard in protecting your relationship with the person most precious to you in your entire world.

* Nobody wakes up one day and suddenly decides to begin an extramarital affair.

Infidelity begins in the heart and mind. By the time a person physically commits adultery, he or she has been indulging for quite some time in progressively more intense mental and emotional affairs.

Left unchecked, friendships or work relationships between men and women can easily evolve into emotional affairs.

Marital fidelity is a daily commitment to seek the best for your spouse and family.

Marital fidelity is strengthened when you affirm your spouse, listen to your spouse, and seek to meet his or her needs. It's also strengthened when you set healthy boundaries for your relationships outside of the home.

Marital fidelity produces lifelong rewards. In contrast, infidelity can cause years of untold anguish.

"Silently and imperceptibly, as we work or sleep, we grow strong or we grow weak; and at last some crisis shows us what we have become" (B. F. Westcott). This is true in every area of life, including marital fidelity.

*What does it mean to 'forsake all others'?  Plainly enough it has to do with both an observation of the mind and a decision of the heart. On this planet of ours we have several billion people walking about on it at any given time, give or take a few million I suppose. Generally speaking, roughly half of them are of the opposite sex that you may personally encounter.  You could find many that are attractive to you in some way or another. To 'forsake' as a conscious yet heartfelt decision is to look at the person whom you love standing before you and say with all your heart, soul and being, "This is the one person I desire. Of all the others on the face of this earth. I forsake (put away) all others from my heart to desire this one and only person for the rest of my life as my helpmate.

*And the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate" (Mark 10:2-9 emphasis mine).  Two become One…It is that simple. Even though married people are allowed and encouraged to have their own hobbies and interests, the fact remains that you are no longer two separate people. I think that too many people function like single people who live in the same house even after they marry. Decisions have to be made by the unit that you become, desires are shared by the unit, dreams and goals are achieved by the unit…and so on. If you are engaging in something as meaningful as a friendship, if it's with the opposite sex then it must be done as a unit. 

*Sex exists and it is powerful. Yes, you can have a successful friendship with people of the opposite sex, but not a close relationship. Why? SEX! If you stop and think about how relationships start…most start as friendships. Mine did with my husband. We met and became fast friends. We did what friends do…talked, shopped, ate lunch together. The more time we spent together, the closer we got. Guess what we eventually did?  We had sex! Yes, we did because attraction is many times a direct result of comfort. We built intimacy through conversation and all that time we spent together and it eventually turned into sexual desire and intimacy. I think many times, men are confused on the issue of sex vs. intimacy. They see sex as it is sold to us on TV and in magazines. It is not tied to intimacy unless it is with your wife and your relationship is built around intimacy. They believe that the relationship with a 3rd party female is not sexual because they don't have an immediate sexual connection or desire for the other person. What they don't realize is all the while they are building up intimacy by spending time with that person…shopping, lunches, etc.  What happens next is the very big possibility that the intimacy they are building turns into desire and sexual feelings.

* Men have egos that need to be attended to. That is why we as wives are supposed to pay attention to our husbands.  It isn't just their job to write us little notes and send us flowers and call and tell us how pretty we are.  Wives forget to do the same for their husbands. Husbands who have female friends may be in it for the appreciation and attention.  Really, they just need to confront the fact that they need more attention of this sort from their wives. All it takes is a simple conversation to fix this problem, yet men aren't adept at identifying this as a problem. All they know is that it feels good when a girl thinks that they are the greatest!

* To fully protect your commitment to your marriage, you need to consistently nurture your lawn. Water it, fertilize it, rake it, trim it carefully; pull some weeds. Most lawns — though not all, I admit — respond well to tender love and care. There's often a lot of life left in even the deadest-looking lawns. But you have to bring it out. And that takes making choices and following priorities. By sanctifying time for fun, friendship, spiritual connection, physical intimacy, and all the other things that bond you and your spouse, you'll be taking care of your lawn as well as you can.

A fulfilling marriage does not drop from heaven into your lap. It becomes fulfilling when it's tended like a beautiful garden. It won't be perfect, no matter what you do. We live in a difficult and fallen world, and we all have challenges. Because of that, the things that matter most require attention. Keeping your marriage strong and growing takes time and attention — it takes making your marriage a priority.

*It is important that a husband and wife live together with Godly love and compassion toward one another. If they do so they will experience the kind of home God has for them—a Godly and peaceful home.  Each marriage partner should be willing to take the lead in exemplifying a godly marriage attitude even if the other never comes in line with the criteria of the Word.  In such cases, that spouse should place his/her hope in the Lord and not in the behavior of his/her spouse.  God will not fail.

A proper marriage is not only important for the benefits supplied to each of the spouses, but is an absolute must for the emotional, mental, and spiritual well being of the children.  Parents have the responsibility of maintaining a fervent and effective Christian way of life personally and a godly relationship with each other corporately.  Anything less than that will provoke long term disability in their children

A marriage relationship can never be taken for granted.  A little extra effort on the one hand, a little extra giving on the other, and with much forgiving God can grace a couple with an effective and wonderful relationship "till death do them part."

We decided to go out of town for a few days to take full advantage of Spring Break and the beautiful weather.

Well, if you know anything about me or my family, you will know that no trip is uneventful!

I am not a morning person but if I am going on a trip I want to make the most out of it so we decided to leave the house by 6am to get our adventure started.  We actually did really well and got everyone out the door at 5:55am!  Things started off pretty uneventful.  We even managed to catch an error in our directions in advance so we skipped going the wrong way. 

Then came time to stop at good ol' McD's for breakfast.  I'm not sure what happened, I think the kids kept changing their minds about what they wanted and they kept yelling things out to Daniel, but $25 will get you a lot of breakfast at the McD's drive through!  We ended up with way more food than the four of us could eat.  Lynsy had a bottle water and Evan got the biggie cup of OJ.  He had put his drink in the cup holder on his door and wouldn't you know it, Daniel made a really sharp turned that resulted in Evan's biggie OJ flipping out of the cupholder, lid flying off and ending up upside down on the floorboard.  By some miracle, not a drop of OJ ended up on anybody!

So, while I am turned around to the backseat, trying to help Evan soak up all the OJ off the floor, doesn't Daniel make a wrong turn (I was in charge of directions and I had told him exactly how to go, but the moment I'm not paying attention would have to be the moment that we needed to make an exit).  A few miles out of the way and a couple U-turns and we get back to where we needed to be.

Now on the right track I had to sift through a large bag of McD's breakfast and figure out who wanted what and this process means that I am not looking outside of the car, add to the fact that I was just turned around to the backseat for a bit and we had made a few U-turns ….. you guessed it, I'm now nauseated! 

Every family trip I can remember, either me or my mom was car-sick and puking!  One of my favorites was a time when I was feeling kind sick and my brother reached over my head for something and I told him that if he touched my hair one more time I was gonna puke, he obviously didn't catch the sincerity in my voice and yep, he tried it one more time and yep, I started puking. 

Luckily I had my purse with me that had my Dramamine in it.  We made it to our destination still looking fairly in one piece, though I was only mildly sick feeling I was now very tired from the Dramamine.

All in all, it was a great time!  Everything was very fun and relaxing and it was so peaceful being out in nature for most of the trip.

Spring Break '07 Pics http://picasaweb.google.com/batesdaniel/SpringBreak2007

Daniel and I spend a lot of our time together doing family things that include the kids, which we thoroughly enjoy, but this past weekend we found ourselves in a very rare situation …… a weekend with no kids.  Honeymoon Weekend, as my neighbor calls it.

We don't get a chance very often for it to just be the two of us.  Evan entered the world only 16 months after we got married, so we didn't have too much time just being the two of us early on in our marriage.

I often wonder what it will be like when the kids are grown and we are empty-nesters ….. not that I am rushing the kids out the door, they can stay for as long as they want and we are enjoying every minute with them, but sometimes I wonder.

Well, after our Honeymoon Weekend, I am happy to report that Daniel and I still have plenty to talk about that does not involve the kids and we do have a lot of common things that we enjoy doing and Yes, we can spend an entire weekend together and totally enjoy each other's company.

It was so relaxing to have absolutely no plans and to just make it all up as we went.  We did dinner and a movie, spent an afternoon walking around the McKinney Trade Days, checked out a new pizza café, took the dog for a few walks around the neighborhood and spent way too many hours in our pajamas watching movies and eating ice cream out of the carton (shhhh, don't tell my kids that we took ice cream upstairs, they think it's a real treat that I even allow popcorn upstairs on special movie nights).

We also learned of some friends getting a divorce which led to many deep conversations about protecting our marriage (more on that topic coming to a blog soon)

Obviously we don't have anything to worry about and I know we'll have plenty of things to do and talk about even without the kids.  Although I must say the kids do add lots of adventure and entertainment to our life.

It was an absolute gorgeous day out today and the kids had both just spent the last week studying hard and taking a TAKS test so we decided that today we would take what we call a ‘Mental Health Day’, a day where, for absolutely no reason at all, I let the kids stay home from school.  We claim ‘Mental Health Day’ about twice a school year, and I’m sure it’s caused a few jaws to drop and some to question my parenting skills.
 
I remember a time when I was in high school and my week was going kinda rough (though, now looking back I don’t think it was as rough as I thought it was, but at that time it was stressing me out).  My mom knew that I was going through a tough week and she let me skip school one day and we just ‘hung out’.  I thought she was the coolest mom in the world (I still do).  I don't remember every mundane day at school, but I do remember that day.
 
When my kids started getting a little older I decided that as long as they were keeping good grades that they deserved an occasional ‘Mental Health Day’.  They both know that school and a good education are very important.  I talk to them all the time about how the work they put in now will determine whether they will end up with a career in flipping burgers or whether they will become the Fashion Designer and Architect that they dream of being.  They both have been keeping really good grades and Evan has been involved in UIL competitions since 3rd grade, competing in subjects like Math, Maps, and Listening Skill plus he’s added a few more competitions for this coming UIL meet.  He’s never received anything less than 1st place in every Math competition and never less than 3rd place in any other UIL subject competition he’s competed in.  Lynsy doesn’t care to compete but she keeps her grades up and is involved in school in other ways and is the biggest helper to all her teachers.  But I also want my children to experience life and to be well-rounded.  I know a few adults who are so educated in one particular field of study but yet they’ve spent so much time ‘away from life’ to study that field that they can’t carry on a decent conversation about anything else, they never seem at ease in social situations, basically they just don’t have very good ‘social’ or ‘life’ skills.
 
School time has been extended more and more each year just so the kids have more time to practice for the almighty TAKS test. Then we hear about days where the kids come home and say  'We watched <insert stupid movie here> instead of doing work today.  In fact, it was just last week, where Evan (in 7th grade) came home and told me that in one of his classes they watched Dragon Tales (show for kids under age 6) and listened to a Johnny Horton cd, then in the same day in another class they spent their time trying to find out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.  I told him that it was too bad it wasn’t ‘Take your cousin to school day’ because his almost 4 year old cousin, Paige, would have totally fit right into middle school that day. 
 
When kids graduate, will they look back and say, "I wish I would have had perfect attendance"? Or will they wish they had skipped school more and experienced something out of the routine more often.  What if your kid skips school to do something more interesting, something where they could actually learn a lesson, or experience something fun and memorable. 
 
So, today Lynsy took a little road trip out of town with her horse for his leg x-ray appointment then she spent the rest of the day riding him.  Me and Evan ‘chilled’ at home, played a few games, went on a bike ride and took the dog to her ‘puppy spa day’ appointment. 

Kids need some down time to take a break from school and their routine every now and then. Every week it's the same old thing and it's nice to mix it up a bit. They say variety is the spice of life. If that's true then missing school for a day is like a cinnamon stick in your cup of tea.

I was with some friends the other day and one particular lady in the group was just going on something terrible about her husband and how the marriage had gone from fun to pure mundane and how she didn't feel connected to her husband anymore (way to go lady, complaining about your husband is one sure fire way to help you feel connected to your husband and positive about your relationship).   
Of course, her venting her frustrations about her husband just led others to join in and they started chirping about their marriages and what their husbands did and didn't do that caused them frustration.  I sat there quietly which led to the ringleader's frustration who then made a sarcastic comment about my quietness. 

There were two reasons for my quietness: 

1. I don't really have any gripes about my marriage or husband.  Fourteen years into the marriage and it's more fun now than ever, nothing feels mundane between us and I honestly can't remember the last time we had an argument.  That doesn't mean that I don't get frustrated with Daniel at times and wonder why God thought it was necessary to put a man and woman together when we can be completely so different.  Let's face it, men are going to be men and they aren't always going to see things our way, but I know there are a number of times when I frustrate Daniel and he can't understand why I don't see things his way, so we call ourselves even and move on.  All the little frustrations are easy to overlook when I am spoiled by flowers all the time for no reason, and my favorite, little notes found here and there that are so sweet they bring tears to my eyes (and this is coming from someone who NEVER cries).  Not to mention that one night last week at 11pm I was having a hair crises and I told Daniel that I needed another box of color, he didn't complain once and changed out of his pj's and went out for a box of hair color.  He is a great example to me of unconditional love and putting the other person first.

2.  A statement I heard from a dear sweet elderly neighbor.  We were in the same situation where a woman was talking badly about her husband and my elderly neighbor, who always has the perfect thing to say for every situation, confronted this young woman and told her in such a dear voice 'Sweetie, only a stupid bird shits in her own nest'.   The young woman stopped in her tracks and said no more about her husband.  It took me a few minutes to fully understand her statement but it was a profound realization  
  Only a stupid bird shits in her own nest 

This is your nest that you built and you would be stupid to do something that would be of detriment to your nest.  If you feel something is not right with your nest, your only choice is to see what you can do to fix the nest.  It's amazing what happens when you take the initiative to make changes yourself and not wait for the nest to somehow miraculously fix itself.   I'm not saying that you can't talk to anyone about a problem you may have in your marriage.  We all have rough patches and need someone to talk to but this bad habit of just casual conversations about how husband didn't make any initiative toward doing anything for Valentine's or how husband doesn't spend much time with you, I don't think that running around complaining about your spouse is setting any kind of positive tone for your relationship.  Did you ever think that maybe instead of focusing on what the other is not doing right, maybe try focusing on what you can do right for the relationship.   Unfortunately, millions of marriages are in trouble today because of an inability of the sexes to get along. Perhaps the fundamental problem is one of selfishness. We're so intent on satisfying our own desires that we fail to recognize the longings of our partners. The institution of marriage works best when we think less about ourselves and more about the ones we love.